Guest post from Andrew Norcross. He is a corporate commando longing for the home office life someday, just as soon as the rest of life works itself out. You can read his blog at Restless Like Me.
In walking to the parking garage with a co-worker recently, the conversation turned to telecommuters. At some point, the mention of the “office camaraderie” and friends at the office was mentioned, and how those working from home were missing out. In my usual fashion, I made a sarcastic comment, “I’d like to think that I am more qualified and better at choosing my friends than HR. Furthermore, I’d hope that HR has the job description in mind more than my preferences on music and cigars.” We got to our respective vehicles, and went about our lives. But the conversation still stuck in my head. Where did the idea of the “office friend” come from? Why do people think it is so important?
First off, I am blessed to have a fantastic group of friends, some of which I’ve had since elementary school. Also, I’ve lived in the same general area since I was 6, so there hasn’t been a lot of moving. In addition, I tend to naturally find people with similar interests and personalities, and make friends quite well. That being said, I’ve almost always worked a job with a large number of employees, whether it was the restaurants during high school and college, or the financial firm I am at now. So I’ve had the opportunity to make friends. And what have I always done? Made 1 or 2, played nice with the rest, and went about my business.
Human Resources is a critical, sometimes overlooked member of a large corporate setting. However, the larger the company, the more isolated they become. I know at my firm, HR weeds through all applicants, do an initial phone or sit-down interview, and then forwards on who they deem a ‘potential hire’ to the specific manager looking to fill the position. Only at that point does the manager get to even see their resume, and then can set up another interview. A long and drawn out process indeed. Not to mention, the bigger the department, the less likely they are to know the quirks about the people they manage.
Every job interview I’ve ever sat though has had the same basic questions, and I’ve usually given the same basic answers. Heck, there are books and college classes geared towards ‘nailing’ the interview. Not nearly as many classes in being a good friends. None of those questions go into any detail about you as a person, only you as a potential employee. And rightfully so. HR’s job is to find the best candidate for the position, not the best person for me to hang out with.
From what I’ve experienced, there seems to be a generational divide in how groups of friends are formed. For the aging boomer and Gen X crowd, the office appears to be a focal point of social interaction. And why not? Most of their time is spent there, and a lot of the time away from the office is spent with family. College is long-over, and while a reunion or occasional “friends weekend” is nice for catching up, they are few and far between. So friends are made based on similar (if not shallow) interests, and life goes on. Now with Gen Y entering the workplace, we’re using various social networks and other on-line tools to stay in touch with friends that we’ve met along our various life journeys. Whether it’s a college roommate, someone you met on a road trip, or a fellow person from your on-line life, it’s easier and easier to stay in touch with the people you WANT to be friends with, and less of an issue making friends with those you don’t. But what about those friends after work? Besides the occasional happy hour or weekend BBQ, it’s unlikely that there is any interaction. Any why not? It’s simple: the common bond is the office. Without it, there’s no reason to talk. After all, how many ‘work friends’ do you have that you’d actually be friends with, had you never been paired up together by HR?
Perfect example: I am having my annual Memorial Day BBQ. A big to-do each year, with about 30 or 40 people coming. How many from my department? Maybe 2. How many from the entire firm? 5, tops. Mind you, there are over 4000 employees there, and I’ve worked there 10 years.
So the idea of the office being a required social hub is outdated at best, and counter-intuitive at worst. Keeping your social circle limited to those people you’re forced to work with could be robbing you of real social interaction, not to mention other ideas and experience that can have meaningful, positive effect on your business.
Most of my good friends have been people I was forcibly paired with through no fault of ours: college roommates, people in my neighborhood, etc. It seems shared experience is what creates the bond. But the shared experiences have to be *meaningful* to us. They have to trigger enough emotion that we register them as something other than just clocking in time. In most work environments, the shared experience was that we were all waiting for 5 p.m. so we could get back to what really mattered to us. That just wasn’t great for bonding.
Also, remember that in a country that professes to worship Democracy, our business environments are absolute, 100% totalitarian dictatorships. When you’re promoted over a friend, you now have to evaluate, punish, and reward them. It’s your job. So sometimes promotions or unequal career paths can get in the way of the emotional openness needed to be friends. (Let’s not even consider the case where you get laid off and I’m ordered to take over our job.)
The friends I *have* made at work are people who have dared to have *gasp* personal conversations at work. We’ve realized that beyond our corporate facades, we actually might have something in common.
Maybe in the 1950s when employement was life-long, it made sense to have a social life at work. After all, you’d be with those people forever. These days, go hang with people you really like. Life–and the average job length–is too short to compromise.
Great post.
When I went out on my own, I realized that most of my friends were people I had worked with. I spent 14-18 hours a day with them and didn’t have many friends outside the workplace, aside from a few high school buddies and other people I had worked with in the past.
Don’t get me wrong, I know some great people from past jobs, it’s just that our only frame of reference is the company.
Over the past six months I’ve had to learn how to make friends with people I wasn’t already forced to be in a room with.
It’s getting easier as I go. It’s probably a good thing for my social skills that I made this move!
Interesting take. As a 19-year work-at-home pro, I’ve long realized that soloing requires you make allies - for the sake of business, and friends - for the sake of sanity. The isolation in the home office can be unnerving and downright detrimental to both creativity and the human need for kinship.
I’ve never looked back and said, ‘I miss the camaraderie and socialization of the corporate tower enought to want to go back.’ But then, I’ve strived to ensure that soloing doesn’t place me in the unenviable position of going it alone. After all, among the many hats I wear in the one-man shop is that of the HR professional - and the Chief Social Networking Executive.